Sorry Jimmy....
No Merit Badge for Stupid
My young neighbor Jimmy (not his real name), hopes to become an Eagle Scout.
Knowing I'd traveled throughout the world as a journalists for the past 50 years, Jimmy interviewed me about representative government in America – this as a part of his Eagle Scout work.
What's more, as Jimmy proudly explained, he would be registering to vote when he turned 18 later this year.
“Kid,” I told him. “Your vote ain't worth a wet fart in a category five Hurricane.”
“But...” Jimmy began
“Better you should watch porn on the Internet than waste your time voting for some sleaze ball politician who sold out to a bunch of special interests long before you started growing body hair.”
“But..,” Jimmy stammered again.
“But nothing,” I said, cutting him off. “Politics is a whore's game and you don't have enough for a Tallahassee hand job.”
Then I gave Jimmy the names of a couple of decent porn sites on the Internet.
“A kid your age should be checking out youporn.com instead of wasting your time on good citizenship,” I said. “Because when it comes to representative government, the average American is politically f*cked.”
“But then why are we fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan?” he asked.
“Why it's all about freedom, Jimmy,” I said. “Like America is the only country in the world where the Securities industry is free to spend nearly $160 million to influence a national election – which it did in 2008.”
Then I showed him the following … just to make sure the kid understood what makes our form of representative government work.
Total Campaign Spending
Federal Elections*
2000 2008 %
$3,082,341,000 $5,285,681,000 71%
State Elections**
2000 2008
$1,487,038,000 $2,697,116,000 81%
Total Elections
2000 2008
$4,569,379,000 $7,982,797,000 75%
SOURCES: *opensecrets.org
**followthemoney.org
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