How Many Chickens for a Heart Attack?
So...
What IS the retail sticker price for a heart attack here in Broward -- be it in dollars or chickens?
It's a fair question.
Especially given the recent proposal from a Nevada Republican that Americans should consider bartering for their health care with chickens.
“In olden days,” notes Sue Lowden in her bid for a seat in the US Senate, “our grandparents would bring a chicken to the doctor. That's what people would do to get health care.”
Naturally, this being the Golden Age of Instant IT on the World Wide Web, there's a site (Lowdenplan.com) where American consumers can determine how many chickens an automobile accident would set them back - 1,591 birds.
But given my advanced years, I'm more likely to suffer a heart attack than a car wreck.
Or so suggest the actuaries.
Hence...
Here in Broward, the average hospital sticker price for congestive heart failure runs around $43,300 – according to data compiled by the Broward Regional Health Planning Council.
Which means, under the Lowden Plan, you're next heart attack will cost you around 8,000 chickens – given the going market rate of $5 per live chicken.
However....
Those 8,000 chickens will only pay for your hospital bill.
Because the small army of cardiologists and other specialists needed to deal with your heart failure are gonna set up back several more thousand chickens before you're back on your feet.
All of which suggests today's smart health care consumer will know the going rate for congestive heart failure BEFORE their next chest-grabber.
Especially given the horrendous spread in the hospital sticker price for congestive heart failure here in Broward.
Plus we're not even talking kosher chickens here!
Congestive Heart Failure
Hospital Sticker Price In Chickens
Florida Medical $90,417 18,083 chickens
Plantation $86,009 17,202 chickens
Westside $83,095 16,619 chiickens
Broward General $79,241 15,848 chickens
Holy Cross $70,460 14,901 chickens
Mem. Regional $64,095 12,819 chickens
Northwest $58,882 11,776 chickens
Coral Springs $52,494 10,499 chickens
University $51,362 10,272 chickens
Mem. Miramar $48,461 9,692 chickens
Mem. Pemroke $49,922 9,845 chickens
Cleveland Clinic $43,747 8,729 chickens
Mem South $43,313 8,662 chickens
Imperial Point $37,682 7,536 chickens
Source: Broward Regional Health Planning Council
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