Selling Health that Sizzles!
Wally Wunfree
Marketing Maven
Beer, Hospitals, Erections
The North Broward Hospital District has budgeted nearly $6 million for a series of newspaper and magazine adds, plus a number of commercials on local TV this year. Why? - Bewildered Taxpayer.
Dear Bewildered
Don't go staging a Taxpayers' Teaparty in front of Broward General just yet.
Ha-ha!
The problem, of course, is that most people know as much about marketing as Governor Charlie Crist knows about the behavior of subatomic particles as energy, or matter
So let's start with the basics.
The primary purpose of marketing is to convince consumers in your market they need your product or service – whether it's a political candidate, Lite beer or a pill for an erection.
This is especially true when it comes to institutional marketing – or branding.
Which is more about feelings that facts.
As in Michelobe Ultra versus Busch – as in beer.
Or why Sarah Palin has her own TV show and the Dalai Lama doesn't.
Serious Sizzle Spiritual Steak
In short, this is all about sizzle – but not very much about steak.
But here in America, good sizzle sells way better than good steak.
That said, there are three major obstacles to selling a hospital:
One – People go there to die
Two - A visit can put you in bankruptcy
Three – From brain surgery to toe fungus, a real hospital is totally different than its fictional counterpart of TV.
All of which creates “a tough sell.”
Hence, in marketing Broward Health, our job is to create a series of prints ad and TV commercials that will generate positive feelings for our hospitals on the part of our consumers.
Which is tougher than selling pre-need funeral plans.
No kidding.
Take the two competing children's hospitals operated by our tax funded health care districts:
Memorial Health's Joe DiMaggio Children's Hospital named for a beloved dead baseball player
Broward Health's Chris Evert Children's Hospital named for a tennis star into trading up husbands – only to discover her latest model didn't work out.
Even worse, take a look at the disparity in the brand images the two tax-supported hospital districts are projecting with their celebrity namesakes.
Joltin' Joe Curvaceous Chris
Like how does each image speak to you regarding your kid's pending brain surgery?
Plus which one – image-wise – would move you to make a major donation to their good works?
Really.
The whole thing's that simple when it comes to selling your brand.
Like beer and erection pills.
But don't take my word for it.
Just check it our print ads and TV commercials.
They don't mean anything.
But they'll sure make you feel good.
Not that the people running Broward Health have a clue about branding and image.
Like totally clueless and out of touch would be putting charitably.
No kidding.
Like last month they sent over this color shot of some mega-million dollar surgical robot which cuts you open with these giant metal claws -- which the people running this place think is the greatest thing since Our Lord invented sliced bread.
Trouble is, the freaking surgical robot shot is about as warm and fuzzy as an Islamic beheading.
Or a Sci-Fi Slasher flick on acid.
Check it out.
Worse than Worm Farmers
Like I said.
When it comes to branding and image, the people running this joint are a notch below worm farmers.
No matter.
I made them use this photo (below) featuring a couple of happy all-American types -- which was way more about feeling good about Broward Health than scaring the snot out of your health care consumers with a metal clawed surgical robot.
Not that the asswipe Worm Farmers were all that happy>
"Your Broward Health - Feeling Good in No Time"
Okay.
Don't get me wrong.
I do have my moments of quiet glory where I know my life has meaning.
Like just the other day, my neighbor and I were taking about chinch bugs when he said out of the blue:
“Wally, next time I start bleeding from the rectum, I'm gonna try Broward General.
Naturally, you can see how the moment was totally transcendental.
Next: Why Media Relations?
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