Jose Conjo, CHBC
Our War Against Uninsured Patients
   Cutting costs and boosting profits is what modern health care is all about.
    It's American as Ronald Reagan and apple pie – and why our nation's health care system enjoys the biggest profits in the world.
    Which is something Obama and his gang of bleeding heart Socialists are out to destroy.
    Frankly, you'd never see a Porsche or a high end Mercedes in the doctor's private parking lot at Broward General if the left-wing Obamacrats had their way.
    But thanks be to God and Charlie Crist, the North Broward Hospital District is run by seven true blue New Republicans dedicated to the free market system – whether it's on Wall Street or an operating table.
    Okay.
    By now, I'm sure you've guessed how proud I am to be a Certified Hospital Budget Consultant (CHBC) dedicated to Cheap Costs and Powerful Profits at the North Broward Hospital District.
    Not that my job is all that easy.
    Basically because the law forces us to treat thousands of sick and injured patients even though they don't have the money to pay for their care.
    Which is a Communista nightmare right out of Castro's Cuba.
    Like can you imagine if the law required every restaurant to feed anyone who was hungry – even if they didn't have the money to pay for their food?
    Believe me.
    It's that bad.
    Hence, the biggest part of my job is cutting the cost of uninsured patients – which means getting the deadbeats out the door as fast as possible.
    Naturally, there's certain resistance to my cost-cutting initiative from a few doctors and nurses – even though the District CEO Frank Nask and his dedicated staff are behind me all the way with bonuses and whatever else I need.
    Bottom line?
    It's only a matter of time before all four Broward Health hospitals will feature signs announcing:
    You're out the door if you're uninsured and stable.
             
               Sunny and Stable in Florida
   Trouble is, Broward Health is being forced to deal with more and more uninsured patients looking for free health care.
    Hence, our cost-cutting initiative for uninsured patients is a simple one:
    Slash the number of days the deadbeats spend in our hospitals by getting them out the door and on the street.
     And I'm happy to say –thanks to Frank Nask and his loyal staff – it's a war Broward Health is winning!
     But don't take my word for it.
     Just look at the numbers as reported by our Finance staff:
                Average Length of Patient Hospital Stay
           Patients               2005             2007           % decrease 
           Uninsured          5.6 days       3.9 days    30.4% decline
           All Patients        5.4 days       5.0 days     7.4% decline.
        Anyhow....
       Now you know why – as a professional CHBC – I'm so proud to be key player on Broward Health's Powerful Profits Team.
       Okay.
       We've had some help in getting uninsured patients out the door more quickly.
       Like Florida's balmy weather makes it easier to put a wheelchair patient on the street.
       Plus the cops don't care as long as our deadbeat patients don't frighten the tourists.
       But best of all, as a government agency, we 're blessed by sovereign immunity* – which discourages most blood-sucking lawyers from suing us if we release an uninsured patient too soon and they go South. (*Like it takes an act of the Florida legislature to cover damages of more than few hundred Thou – which is tort-wise bupkis.)
        Not that getting uninsured patients out the door as quickly as possible isn't hard work – and a total team effort 24-7!
        But that's what Powerful Profits are all about.
        Jose Conjo, CHBC

NOTE: Yeh. The District's patient stay numbers are accurate – although I wish to God they weren't. JKdeG